Tainted.

I dont even know what to keep writing in this space anymore. Just like how the saying goes, what mattered doesnt anymore. The art of letting go, maybe? In any case, its okay if no one chooses to care. I'm numb to it anyway.

School's starting in about two months for me and I bet the road aheadwould be a long, rocky one but i guess i'll pull through it. Great things are just round the corner, am hoping for a good week ahead. Ciao xx

Repost.

"Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world right in the eye." - Helen Keller

DEAR HIDAYAH,
I KNOW THAT YOU HATE PEOPLE COMFORTING YOU... IT MAKES YOU FEEL WORTHLESS... SO WHAT?! YOU CRITICIZED YOURSELF LIKE 10 TIMES IN YOUR BLOG POST, SO THAT MEANS I AM ENTITLED TO CRITICIZE YOU.

1)STOP BEING SO NEGATIVE! I WOULD LIKE TO PRESS THE BUTTON AND REPORT ABUSE... TOO MUCH ABUSE ON YOURSELF! YOU ARE SMART BUT YOU JUST DIDN'T MAKE THE SMART CHOICES. YOU ARE NOT UGLY! IN FACT YOU ARE QUITE PRETTY OKAY! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND THAT ALL MATTERS! AND ITS OKAY TO CRY! CRYCRYCRY! JUST CRY! IT MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER.

2)WHAT F***ING WALLS YOU TALKING ABOUT NOW? IF THEY BROKE THROUGH, JUST REBUILD THEM! YOU KNOW THE STORY OF THE 3 LITTLE PIGS? IT TOOK THEM THREE TIMES TO MAKE THE BADDEST BAD ASS WALL THERE IS!

3)EH GIRL... COME ON LAH... NO ONE CAN HEAR? WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT JIE QI? WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY? NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND? THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T POSTED AS WELL COZ' THAT CERTAIN SOMEBODY ONLY US UP 3 OF THEIR 12 OPTIONS. IDIOT.

YOU ARE GOING TO APPEAL RIGHT? THEN I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST. I PRAY YOU GET INTO A COURSE. WHEN YOU GET INTO IT, STUDY LIKE A MOFO. IF YOU NEVER GET IN ANY COURSE, THEN TOO BAD. SHIT HAPPENS, LIFE GOES ON, ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. EITHER YOU RETAKE OR YOU GO WORK. IF YOU DO RETAKE, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU TO TRY MY UTMOST BEST TO TEACH YOU. IF YOU WORK, WHICH I DON'T RECOMMEND AT ALL, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN SURVIVE WITH WHAT? $1000 PER MONTH? YOU NEED TO PAY BILLS, FOOD, RENT & SUPPORT YOUR FAN-GIRL LIFE.... I KNOW YOU ARE ONE HECK OF A STRONG GIRL, BUT YOU GOTTA KNOW WHEN TO BE VULNERABLE... DO WANT TO BE A VOID OF NEGATIVE ENERGY ALL YOUR LIFE?

I GUESS AFTER YOU READ THIS, YOU FEEL THAT I AM A FUCKING BASTARD AND FEELING LIKE SLAPPING ME. WHAT YOU BURIED I HAVE DUG IT OUT. I CAN'T BLAME YOU. THIS ARE MY DEEP INNER THOUGHTS TO YOU MY FRIEND. JUST KNOW THAT MY HEART IS IN THE RIGHT PLACE. I ACTUALLY WANTED TO JUST GIVE YOU A MESSAGE OF STRENGTH, BUT I FELT THAT I SHOULD LET MY THOUGHTS FREE... MY THOUGHTS COULD BE HURTFUL, BUT I DIDN'T MEANT IT TO BE HURTFULLY IN ANYWAY. ACCEPT THEM IF YOU WANT OR IGNORE THEM IF YOU WISH. I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST FOR THE NEAR FUTURE AND PRAY THAT YOU REALLY DO GET A COURSE. HOPE YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN UP! HOPE TO MEET UP SOON AND JUST PLAINLY CHAT.

P.S. I LIKE THE ENDING... LOL.
P.P.S I FELT LIKE DOODLING.

"Our real problem, then, is not our strength today; it is rather the vital necessity of action today to ensure our strength tomorrow."Dwight D. Eisenhower

FROM YOUR DEAREST FRIEND CLOSEST TO THE HEART,
DZULHILMI.

REPOST:

I don't even know what to feel anymore. You, writing this is a major insult to me. I don't need sympathy nor pity. But great, since you've blogged it out telling me about my field of negativity thats in me, let me make it clear that I chose to bring myself down like this. Does it come off as surprise to you? Perhaps, maybe not. Feel free to report abuse, at most I'll be losing my rights to blog just because I can't post out my self-destructive and suicidal posts. Stupid huh? The best is just, just leave me alone. If you're asking me to cry it all out, then can I tell you how many times I've cried myself to sleep and cried pathetically to myself? I bet even you will lose count. DONT. Dont even use the word family on me. Leaving my mum as an exception, no one gives a shit. Having no school to begin with is a hurt that pricked me most. But now, it doesn't matter anymore. The self-proclaimed being that wanted to make a name out of herself, eventually gave up. I have reined in. I do appreciate your concern towards me but honestly speaking, those words you typed came out from someone who's never dealt such ultimate humiliation in life. You, have a bright future ahead and if you're telling someone who's future is bleak and gloomy, save your words dzul. Really, just save it.

I hope we'll meet up someday. x